When I was in college I served as the Minister of Music and Youth at Leighton Baptist Church—a small church in the northwestern corner of Alabama. The summer before I left Leighton to begin my studies at Southern Seminary in Louisville, we took our youth choir on a tour, singing in churches throughout Delaware and Pennsylvania. On the day of our final concert we were near Lancaster and decided to stop for lunch at a restaurant whose marque claimed they specialized in barbeque sandwiches. We had been away from Leighton about a week by then so my Alabama teenagers and their chaperones were yearning for some real southern food and since “barbeque” sounded southern we pulled our bus into the parking lot and piled into the restaurant. But—as everyone began to get their orders there were disappointed and perplexed looks on their faces—because the barbeque they received wasn’t even close to the pork or beef barbeque they were used to back home in Alabama. It was some sort of processed MYSTERY MEAT that was sliced and put on the bun with store-bought barbeque sauce slathered all over it. Several people in the group—said, “Mark, these northern people just don’t know what REAL barbeque is!” And—no matter where you are from—north or south—if you’ve ever had a pit barbeque sandwich made in Alabama—then you would agree with their opinion. I mean, you’ve never had REAL barbeque until you have tasted THAT barbeque! Everything else is very disappointing to the palate.
I know it’s cruel to bring up food at this time of day but I imagine that right now your mind is filling with thoughts of your own examples of this culinary principle. Some of you may be thinking, “You haven’t had REAL meatloaf until you’ve had Dilly Murray’s meatloaf!” If you were at the Deacon Informational lunch last week your mouth is probably watering even now as you think, “You haven’t had REAL cornbread until you’ve eaten Tina Price’s cornbread!” If you’re like me you’re thinking, “You’ve never had REAL chicken tortilla soup—until you’ve eaten Sue Adams’ chicken tortilla soup…” which by the way is the best food known to mankind!
I bring all this up because in the same way that there is confusion when it comes to REAL barbeque and REAL meatloaf and REAL cornbread and REAL chicken tortilla soup—well there is a lot of confusion when it comes to an accurate understanding of REAL love.
One reason this is true is the fact that LOVE is a word that is very OVER-USED in our culture. Think of it—we use these same four letters to describe our feelings about everything from green beans to our favorite football team and then we take that same little word and use it to describe how we feel about our spouses and children. It’s almost like we have taken the original word and copied it and then copied the copy and then copied that copy—over and over and over and over again. Of course, the problem with this is that when you copy a copy of a copy of a copy—well you end up with a pale imitation of the real thing—sort of a “skim milk” version. If you doubt the truth of what I’m saying about the results of our overuse of this little word just listen closely to the song lyrics of today’s music. Many times whenever popular artists or groups use the word LOVE, they are really referring to lust or some other form of selfishness. They are using the same word—but their meanings are a far cry from the original. So—as I said, spreading this word thin with overuse makes it difficult for us understand the REAL thing.
All this confusion when it comes to understanding authentic, genuine, REAL love—well this is one thing that thwarts our attempts to make our marriages FIREPROOF. I mean, we can’t REALLY love each other as husbands and wives, if we don’t have an accurate understanding of what REAL love is in the first place!
Now—our TEXT this morning is written by someone who is an expert when it comes to LOVE. I’m referring to the Apostle John and I say “expert” because, according to tradition John was the youngest of Jesus’ first followers. Unlike all the others, John was not martyred—but rather died of old age after spending years in exile on an island off the coast of Greece called Patmos. This means that of all the writers God used to put together the New Testament—John had the most time to experience Jesus’ love first hand.
Let’s turn now to read what John has to say on this subject. I’m reading from his FIRST epistle, chapter 4 verse 7-19. Stand in reverence to God’s Word as I read—and as I do see if you can’t hear a depth of wisdom when it comes to understanding LOVE.
7 – Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
8 – Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
9 – This is how God showed his love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him.
10 – This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
11 – Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
12 – No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.
13 – We know that we live in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.
14 – And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent His Son to be the Savior of the world.
15 – If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God.
16 – And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
17 – In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like Him.
18 – There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
19 – We love because He first loved us.
I don’t know about you, but by reading our text from John’s 1st epistle, I can see, that over the decades this elder disciple became more and more convinced….that REAL love comes from—GOD. Look at verse 16. John plainly says, “GOD IS LOVE.” In other words, John is saying, “When it comes to love, God is the ORIGINAL! He is the REAL THING!” And of course he is right because if love were a river and you followed it upstream to it’s “source” you would come to God. As someone once put it, “Love flows from God as light radiates from the sun.”
Please note that John didn’t say, “God is loving” as if it were one of many divine attributes of God….like His patience, His power, or His wisdom. No…he said, “GOD IS LOVE.” The very essence of God’s being is LOVE. Love pervades and influences all of God’s attributes and activities. When He creates, He creates in love. When He rules, He rules in love. He even judges in love! Love never is and never can be absent from His being.
As an example, let’s apply this to God’s holiness. Hebrews 7:26 says that, God is holy. He is “…undefiled, separated from sinners and exalted above the heavens.” Well, as a PERFECTLY holy Being, it would be perfectly understandable for God to view sinners like you and me with the utmost of contempt. But since God is love, then His is a holiness that REACHES OUT to sinners in love, offering them salvation. Because God is love, His holiness is the antithesis of aloofness or indifference.
Oswald Chambers sums this up by saying,“God is love, not, God is loving. God and love are synonymous. Love is not an attribute of God, it IS God; whatever God is, love is. If your conception of [God’s] love does not agree with justice and judgement and purity and holiness, then your idea of love is wrong.”
Once, while riding in the country, Charles Haddon Spurgeon saw a weather vane on a farmer’s barn and on the arrow were inscribed the words: “God is Love.” He turned in at the gate and asked the farmer, “What do you mean by that? Do you think God’s love is changeable; that it veers about as that arrow turns in the wind?” The farmer said, “Oh, no! I mean that whichever way the wind blows, God is STILL love.”
And, since the source of REAL love is found in the being of God—well, it follows then that the closer we come to God—the deeper our relationship with Him grows…well, the more REAL our love for each other becomes. Let me put it this way. His love rubs off on us. If we live close to God as John did, then we find ourselves becoming like Him in many ways but especially by our becoming more loving.
And Godly LOVE rubbing off on us is a good thing—because it is the key to all relationships—especially marriage. The plain true is we can’t REALLY love each other with out God’s power. REAL loves…the BEST love…the PUREST love…comes from our day to day walk with Him. Most weddings use the love chapter—1st Corinthians 13 in their ceremony—and when they do I always point to that popular text and remind the bride and the groom of this principle. I tell them that the words that make up that “LOVE CHAPTER” describe a PERFECT love, the REAL-EST kind of love—that caliber of love that you only see coming from God….the kind of love that is so pure and holy, you can only express with God’s help.
As they stand before me, hand in hand, before they take their vows I ask them this question: Have you ever known a human being who is ALWAYS patient, ALWAYS kind, NEVER envies, and is NEVER rude or self-seeking? They don’t answer verbally of course because they don’t have to because the answer to my question is obvious. It’s “NO” because these phrases describe a standard no human being could ever meet on their own. In fact, I would say that the only way this text makes sense is to put Jesus’ name in place of the word “love” and say, “Jesus is patient. Jesus is kind. Jesus does not envy. He does not boast. He is not proud. He is not rude. He is not self-seeking. He is not easily angered. He keeps no record of wrongs. Jesus does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Jesus always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Jesus never fails.”
In short, Jesus—God in the flesh—always relates to us with this caliber of love. So, it follows then that the only way we can love each other with a PURE, GODLY, SELFLESS, SACRIFICIAL love…consistently….the only way a husband and a wife can be patient and kind and giving and humble…the only way spouses can avoid envy and rudeness and anger…the only way they can forgive such that they keep no record of wrongs…..the only way they can trust each other and persevere…..the only way to do all this is by drawing on their relationship with God…as they let Jesus live in and through them both.
I think this is what Paul is talking about in Ephesians 3:17 when he encourages us to let our, “…roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love.” In the same way that a tree draws nutrients from the soil, we draw can nourishment from God. And that nourishment alone is what can enable us to love one another with a Godly love—the kind of love that 1 Corinthians 13 describes. This is what John is getting at in verse 12 when he says, “…if we love one another…[it’s because] God is living in us…making His love complete in us.” And…this is what Caleb’s dad says in the FIREPROOF movie when he tells his son, “Caleb, you can’t give what you don’t have.”
I want to show you the clip where he says that—but let me set it up first. Remember, Caleb and Catherine are on the brink of divorce. Caleb’s dad convinces him to take the 40 day love dare before calling a lawyer…and he does…but after more than two weeks, Catherine seems to be even more unresponsive, so Caleb comes to his dad saying he’s ready to call it quits. The Love Dare is not working. He’s ready to give up saying, “I just can’t keep it up…I can’t love that woman.”
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CLIP – Session 2…5 minutes
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Isn’t that a powerful scene?! And—isn’t it true! I don’t want a show of hands or even a round of AMENS—but Christian spouses out there—aren’t you thankful that God’s Spirit lives in you…and your spouse…empowering you to REALLY love one another? I mean—think for just a few moments. On average, how many times a week does God help you be patient with your spouse such that when he or she has had a hard day and says an unkind word—you don’t respond IN kind? Now, flip things around and think, how many times have you prayed a prayer of thanks for a spouse who LOVED you—when you weren’t very loveable? In that same vein, how many times have you found the strength to put your spouse’s needs first—and how many times has he or she done that for you? How many times has God enabled you to hang in there and keep working on your marriage when other couples would have quit? How many times has GOD loved your spouse through you—and vice versa? We are able to express GODLY love—because God lives in us. It is just as John says in verse 9 “God sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him.”
Whenever we share communion we remind ourselves of that one LOVING act in history that makes it possible for us to both experience and express a GODLY caliber of love. We share this bread—to help us never forget that day when God’s only Son hung on a cross similar to the one Caleb’s dad leaned against in that clip…we remember that day Jesus hung on a cross so that our sins could be washed away… and we could come into a relationship with our Holy God—and in that relationship be empowered to love our spouses and friends in the same way He loves us. As we come to this table of remembrance, let me invite all Christians present to partake with us because even if you are not a member of this church…If you are a Christian…if you are His, this is Yours.
THE ORDINANCE OF COMMUNION
In my mind 2nd Corinthians 5:14-15 illustrates today’s FIREPROOF principle. It says, “Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that One died for all…” and because of that conviction. We believe that..“…Those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him Who died for them and was raised again.” I’m going to ask Marilyn to begin to play softly…and as she does with this memory of Jesus’ death for our sins fresh in our minds, let’s all pray, asking God to empower us to live for Him in the way we love one another. You may have some particular selfishness you need to repent of…some way you need God’s help in loving a spouse or a friend. Well, take a few moments to pray about that.
Now, as we prepare to stand and sing, we invite you to walk forward and share public decisions. If you want to put your faith in Jesus as Caleb did in the clip come and talk with me or Bobby. And, if you want to ask to join this church, come. But come as God leads.
BENEDICTION:
Let the PEACE OF CHRIST rule in your hearts
since as members of one body you were called to peace.
Let the WORD OF CHRIST dwell in you richly
and whatever you do…in word or in deed
Do it all in the NAME OF CHRIST giving thanks to God the Father
through Him.