8 – The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 – He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor His anger forever;
10 – He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 – For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him;
12 – as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
13 – As a father has compassion on His children, so the Lord has compassion on His children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
These days there aren’t many movies made that I would recommend from the pulpit, but a few weeks ago Sue and I saw one that I would urge all fathers to see. I’m referring to Frequency, which stars Dennis Quaid. Now, I admit it was the science fiction plot that attracted me to this movie in the first place but the thing that I ended up enjoying the most was the way it depicted the potential impact of a father on his son. In the film, Quaid plays a New York City Fireman living in the 60’s, a devoted father and husband, who is killed in the line of duty when his son is only about 7. The boy grows up to be a policeman and one day when he’s in his mid thirties, he’s playing around with his father’s old ham radio gear when he hears a familiar voice coming through the speaker. He engages the man in conversation and eventually discovers that he is talking to his own father who is living thirty years in the past. This communication across time is made possible by a strange side effect of the huge sunspot activity that is occurring in both time periods. Well, they talk for hours, father and son both thoroughly enjoying these precious moments. They literally make up for lost time and only sign off in the wee hours of the morning when they can no longer keep their eyes open. The sunspot activity continues for several days allowing them to talk each night and in one of the first of these conversations, in the nick of time the son warns his father about the fire that took his life and then together they solve a string of serial murders that have been on the books for decades. I don’t want to totally ruin the plot but I will say that, as they communicate and respond to each other, the son’s world literally changes around him. As they speak you can instantly see the impact of this special father-son communication. But the most amazing effect of their nightly conversations is the effect it has on the son himself. You see, one result of his father’s absence for the last three decades had been his inability to commit to a relationship with the love of his life. He had become a heavy drinker, a lonely, empty man with no real purpose in life. Even as a grown adult, he reminded me more of a little lost boy. But this time with his dad changes all that. As they talk, the son matures and eventually marries and has a son of his own. And son and father are eventually re-united in the present. The last scene shows the entire family: father, son, grandson, wives, friends all enjoying a softball game together. It was a great movie-a real tear-jerker! But it did an excellent job of illustrating how vitally important it is that we fathers do our job and do it well. This film showed very clearly that our kids need us! Children will never go as far in life as they could without their dad’s distinctive aid.
Perhaps this movie was made because these days psychologists and other experts in family relationships have finally come to realize how important healthy father-child relationships are. Studies confirm again and again that our children have needs that can only be met by their dads. James L. Schaller writes, “The absence of a mature father-child connection creates a void in the soul, a residual ‘father hunger’.” Robert Bly says that due to the absence of many dads, this generation thirsts for what he calls, “father water.” Experts like these two realize that fathers give children-for good or bad-what no one else can. I mean, consider the power, say….in a father’s WORDS when he says things like: “I believe in you, Son.” “I’m so proud of you.” OR “Why can’t you ever do anything right?” “Why couldn’t you be more like your sister?” Those are words that, will stay with a child for the rest of his or her life and they demonstrate that a father IS indeed one of the most powerful beings on the face of this earth.
You see, a man has the ability to shape the leaders and parents of the twenty-first century, whether he does so by his devoted commitment OR by his irresponsible absence. Unfortunately some fathers are not using their power wisely. Many men have lessened or even lost their roles as influential fathers, some by their own choice. Statistics bear this out: The number of children who live with their biological fathers has dropped from 82.4% in 1960 to 61.7% in 1990. In a 1994 survey of 1600 adult men, more than 50% said their fathers were emotionally absent from them while they were growing up. In another survey only 34% said that they considered their own father to be a role model. Now, why has this happened? Why have so many dads ignored their vital parenting role? In his book The Heart of a Father, Dr. Ken Canfield cites several factors:
1. First, in our culture there is a widespread loss of vision for the future.
For years our society was focused on our posterity, but no longer. Instead, personal happiness has become the all-consuming goal for many adults. More and more dads put their individual preferences ahead of their children’s needs. They care more about the present, about having a good time, enjoying their lives, than they do the investment in the future that children really are. Having children has almost become an unpopular thing for men — something to be ashamed of — something that makes you less manly. This reminds me of that commercial about a man working out at the athletic club.
Suddenly over the PA there is an announcement about a mini-van in the parking lot with it’s lights on. He doesn’t want anyone to know it is his car for this would indicate that he had kids and that would be embarrassing to him. So he doesn’t acknowledge the page. Have you seen it? More and more men think more of themselves than they do their children’s future.
2. A second factor is a loss of priorities.
Men especially are prone to finding their identity through their work rather than their family and so they tend to focus on things like work achievements, high salary, and job title. As a result, many of us no longer adhere to the philosophy that says that raising great kids is a source of pride. We have forgotten what is truly important in life. In his book, Man in the Mirror, Patrick Morley says that when his children were toddlers, he was always uptight about the new scratches which showed up daily on their coffee table. He writes, “This was a real point of contention with my wife, who could care less about such matters. My blood boiled when I spotted a new nick in the luster of the smooth-grained wood. Finally, Patsy couldn’t take it anymore and said, ‘You leave my children alone! I’ll not have you ruining a million-dollar child over a $300 table!” Like Morley did, many dads today forget how precious — how valuable — their children are, especially in comparison to worldly possessions and pleasures.
3. And then…these days there seems to be a general loss of a sense of duty and commitment.
Fathers no longer feel a responsibility to sacrifice for their kids. Steve May tells of a selfish young father who pointed at his infant son and said, “There goes my chance for ever having a boat. As soon as I get the hospital bill paid, he’ll need braces, and by the time I get those paid for, he’ll want a car. When it’s paid off, it’ll be time to pay for college. By then I’ll be too old to want a boat.” This young dad was probably being facetious but to a limited extent he was also speaking the truth. Being a father requires sacrifices on our part. There are some things we have to do without in life because we have a greater obligation to provide for our children. They come first! By the way, truly great fathers never tell their kids how much they sacrifice on their behalf.
The last thing your kids need to hear is, “If it weren’t for you I would have a boat.”
4. One final factor Canfield notes is a loss of community.
Individualism has run amok. Involved fatherhood has become a private matter, and fathers rarely communicate with other dads about fathering. So, all this goes to show that Henri Nouwen was apparently right when he predicted back in the 70’s that the coming generation would be known by its sense of…fatherLESSness.
And, this is a sad state for any society to be in for many reasons:
- Fatherless children are more likely to commit crimes and engage in substance abuse.
- On average fatherless children score lower on tests and have lower grade point averages.
- Children of father-absent families are five times more likely to be poor and ten times more likely to be extremely poor.
- Adolescents in mother-only families are more likely to be sexually active, and daughters are more likely to become single-parent mothers.
But the poison spread by fathers that don’t take their parenting seriously goes even deeper. As many as 75% of teen suicides and 80% of psychiatric admissions come from broken homes. Now, fortunately, in the midst of all this BAD news there is some GOOD news. Thanks in part to movements like Promise Keepers there is a growing awareness of the importance of fathers.
More and more men these days DO want to be effective fathers. They recognize their potential influence on their children and want to use it for good. But a key roadblock in recovering our positive power as dads is that we lack complete and effective models. Historically men learned to father by following the example of their own dads. They kept their eyes open and watched daily how it was done. Even television used to provide good role model fathers…from Ben Cartwright to Heathcliff Huxtable but these days the dads TV provides tend to be more on the level of Homer Simpson. The sad fact is many sons these days don’t have a good fatherly model to follow and since this is true I think it would be important on this Father’s Day morning for all fathers present even future fathers and single-parent moms who serve as fathers o commit to pattern their fathering after the only PERFECT model for a father there is: GOD.
It is vital that we dads do this because as Ken sang our kids naturally want to be like us and if we can be like God, their understanding of Him will grow by leaps and bounds. It has rightly been said that “a child is not likely to find a father in God unless he finds something of God in his father.” This reminds me of the story of a pastor who asked the preschool class in his Sunday school to draw a picture of God. Most kids drew rainbows and men with big hands. But, one little girl drew a picture of a man with a suit and tie on. She explained, “I don’t know what God looks like, so I just drew my daddy instead.” What an awesome responsibility fatherhood is! As you no doubt realize, in the Bible God is repeatedly described as our Father. In II Corinthians 6:18 God says, “I will be a Father to you, and you will be My sons and daughters…” In Matthew 9:6 Jesus taught us to begin our prayers by saying, “Our FATHER…” and the word “Father” is literally translated as “Abba” which means “Daddy.”
Now, there are many facets of God’s parenting that we could study together. But our text for this morning cites three of them…three principles that any earthly father should embrace…and the first is this:
1. We must be PATIENT like God..
Verse 8 says, “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger…” In other words God is patient. He has a long fuse. He is not easily angered. This verse is actually a quotation of something Moses had written some 500 years earlier. It’s recorded in Exodus 34 and comes from the time Moses was up on the top of Mt. Sinai conferring with God. You’ll remember that while this was going on, down below the people were having a party characterized by drunkenness and immorality. These people whom God had just delivered from bondage in Egypt were expressing their “gratitude” to their Heavenly Father by worshiping an idol of a golden calf made from discarded jewelry. When God told Moses what was going on Moses came down from the mountain and angrily shattered the original copy of The Ten Commandments. This, by the way, was the only case we know of in the Bible where all Ten Commandments were broken simultaneously! Well God was also angry and wanted to destroy the people but in answer to Moses’ pleading on the people’s behalf, God reconsidered. He even promised to give Moses a new copy of the Ten Commandments. God took Moses back to the top of Mount Sinai, and before He began dictating these moral imperatives a second time, Exodus 34 says that God passed in front of Moses proclaiming, “The Lord…the compassionate and gracious God, is slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” Now, like any parent, God does get angry. But He puts up with a great deal before reaching His boiling point. He is patient with us. And earthly fathers should follow His example. We get mad at the things our kids do but we must learn to control our anger and be patient with our children. For they will be far less likely to come to us when they need our help if we are easily angered. When I was about 10 I was active in the R.A. program of our church. And I remember the patience of our leader, Mr. Trap. He was the most patient man I have ever met. I mean, his middle name must have been “JOB!” I remember one Saturday about a dozen of us boys were involved in a work project in which we cleaned out the lot behind our church. We were using Mr. Trap’s pick up truck to haul garbage out of the area so the church could use the land for a softball field. And all day long Mr. Trap let each of us have a turn driving his truck through the field. I know we must have burned out his clutch that day. He must have been frustrated by our inability to handle the shifting of gears but it never showed. He was soooo patient with us because he knew we were just boys. He didn’t expect us to be more than we could be. Well, God is patient with us for the same reason. Verse 14 says, “…He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust.” This reminds me of the story of a little boy who was sitting in a Sunday school class listening to his teacher describe how in the beginning of creation, God made mankind from the dust of the earth and how after death our bodies will decompose, and we’ll return to dust. The little boy turned to his friend, and he said, “You know, I think I have somebody under my bed at home but I’m not sure whether he’s coming or going.” Well, God knows we are fragile, like dust. As our compassionate father, God understands our tenuous nature. God factors in our frailty when He weighs His responses to us.
And we earthly Fathers must emulate God in this if we want to positively impact our sons and daughters. We must not follow the example of the father who once screamed angrily at his elementary aged son, “Why can’t you act your age?!” We must be patient with our children reflecting God’s patience with us. And then a second characteristic of our Heavenly Father that we should imitate is this:
2. We must be FORGIVING like God.
Remember what it said in verses 9 & 12: “He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor His anger forever…as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” A man once complained to his buddy that whenever he argued with his wife, she got historical. His friend said, “You mean hysterical.” He said, “No, historical. She dredges up the past and reminds me of every time I’ve failed her in the past.” And….sadly enough we do that with our kids sometimes, don’t we? Our kids do something wrong, and we remind them of the previous forty-three times that they did the same thing. Thankfully our Father God is not this way. He will not always accuse nor will He harbor His anger forever. God chooses to have a short memory when it comes to our sins. This is good because Psalm 130:3 tells us that if God kept a detailed record of our sins, none of us would ever be able to stand before him. In Isaiah 57:16, God says, “If I kept throwing up in your face your past failures, if I chose to retain an angry disposition toward you because of your sin…your spirit within you would grow faint before me. You would wither up and die.” Can you imagine how this would be? I would go to God for forgiveness because I’d done something wrong. I’d say, “I did it again, God. I doubted Your provision and tried to take care of things in my own strength. Oh, please cleanse me from this sin and give me the courage to trust You in the future.” And God would say, “You did it again? That’s putting it rather mildly, Mark. This is the seventy-third time you’ve done it this week. And I stop forgiving after fifty. Sorry, pal, but your punch card is all punched out.”
Thank goodness God isn’t this kind of Father. Once I’ve sought His forgiveness, He doesn’t keep on accusing. He doesn’t keep on harboring His anger toward me. He chooses to have a short memory where previously forgiven sins are concerned. Scripture says God doesn’t treat us according to what we deserve. He treats us according to what we NEED. He forgives us and forgets our sin. In fact the psalmist tells us that when we ask God to forgive our sins, He removes them as far as the east is from the west and remembers them no more. Do you know how far that is? Truth is, it can’t even be measured. I brought a globe to show you that the east and west are actually further apart than the north and south. If I start here in North America and go north, eventually I get to the top of the globe at the North Pole. If I continue the same direction, I start going south. So, eventually the north meets the south. But if I start in Maryland here and keep going east, when will I start going west? No — never. The psalmist says God will remove our sin from us-not as far as the north is from the south, but as far as the east is from the west. An infinite distance! If you ever wondered how serious God is about taking care of your sin, He has all sorts of metaphors in Scripture like this one to describe what He desires to do with your sin.
Micah 7:19 says, “He will trample it under foot and throw it into the deepest part of the sea.”
Isaiah 38:17 says He’ll put it behind His back where He can’t see it. Isaiah 43:25 says He’ll blot it out. Isaiah 44:22 says He’ll sweep it away just like a morning mist that gets burned off by the sun.
Jeremiah 31:34 says God will refuse to remember it; He’ll just block it out of His memory. And we need to follow His example in forgiving our children. They need our forgiveness. They need us to give them a chance to start over when they fail.
Ernest Hemingway once wrote a story about a father and his teenage son. In the story, the relationship had become somewhat strained, and the teenage son ran away from home. His father then began a journey in search of that rebellious son. Finally, in Madrid, Spain, in a last desperate attempt to find his son, the father put an ad in the local newspaper. The ad read: “Dear Paco, Meet me in front of the newspaper office at noon. All is forgiven. I love you. Your father.” Thenext day eight hundred Pacos showed up, in front of the newspaper office. They were all seeking forgiveness….all hungering for the love of their father. Dads, we must follow God’s example and forgive our kids when they do wrong. Remember, we pardon to the degree that we love. And then, the last characteristic of our Heavenly Father mentioned in this text is this…
3. We must LOVE like God.
This Psalm is full of proclamations of God’s love. Verse 8 says that God is, “abounding in love.” According to verse 17 God’s love for us is, “from everlasting to everlasting…” Verse 11 says, “He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him.” In these verses the Psalmist is saying that God loves us with an unbelievably great love. In fact it proclaims the wonderful truth that God loves us even if we don’t deserve it. His is a love that is not based on our actions. As Philip Yancey says, “There is nothing you can do to make God love you any more and there is nothing you can do to make Him love you any less.” His is an UNCONDITIONAL love. It is a love that we don’t have to earn. And dads, we need to remember to love our children in this same way. They need our love — especially when they don’t deserve it. But, understand, unconditional love doesn’t come naturally to us. We have to work at it, develop it. For example, you may love your wife unconditionally today but you haven’t always. You didn’t love her unconditionally before you met her. When you first started dating her, if you had found out that she was, say, a Third World terrorist spy, more than likely your feeling for her would have withered away. Today, you may love her with all your heart, but it is a love she has earned, to a certain extent, by being the wonderful person she is….and they could say the same thing about their love for us! Too often, this is how we think God loves us. We think His love for us grows the more He gets to know us and the more we do things worthy of His love. It doesn’t work that way and being a parent teaches us this. The moment your children come into the world, you love them. PERIOD. That little baby has done nothing to earn your love, but you love them anyway-simply because they’re yours. And you will keep loving them, no matter what. This is unconditional love, and virtually all parents have it. If you’re a parent, think of the love you have for your children, and realize: this is the best human example of God’s love for us. It’s not based on performance or merit. It’s based on the fact that we are His. I have never met a father who has said, “I don’t love my children.” Of course, all fathers love their children. But there are too many of us who drop the ball. We don’t express our love. We don’t show it or when we do it is only at certain times, in reward for certain types of behavior. And as a result, our kids get the idea that our love for them is conditional. So, we must learn to express a Godly, unconditional love to our children.
God IS the perfect Father and this Psalm lists three of the many reasons this is so….
He is patient with His children. He forgives His children. And He loves His children unconditionally. Wouldn’t you like to BE a parent like that?
Or think of it in another way, wouldn’t you like to HAVE a parent like that? I mean, if you don’t know God personally can you imagine how wonderful it would be to have a relationship with Him in which you experience His patience….His forgiveness…..His unconditional love? If you are here this morning and are not a Christian, then hear this: God wants to be your Father. He loves you as you have never been loved and wants to claim you as His own. In her story, The Whisper Test, Mary Ann Bird writes: “I grew up knowing I was different, and I hated it. I was born with a cleft palate, and when I started school, my classmates made it clear to me how I looked to others: a little girl with a misshapen lip, crooked nose, lopsided teeth, and garbled speech. When schoolmates asked, “What happened to your lip?” I’d tell them I’d fallen and cut it on a piece of glass. Somehow it seemed more acceptable to have suffered an accident than to have been born different. I was convinced that no one outside my family could love me. There was, however, a teacher in the second grade whom we all adored. Her name was Mrs. Leonard. She was a short, round, happy, sparkling lady. Every year we had a hearing test. Mrs. Leonard gave the test to everyone in the class, and one year I went last. I knew from past years that as we stood against the door and covered one ear, the teacher sitting at her desk would whisper something, and we would have to repeat it back–things like “The sky is blue” or “Do you have new shoes?” I waited there and listened and heard words that God must have put into her mouth, seven words that changed my life. Mrs. Leonard said, in her whisper, “I wish you were my little girl.”
You know, to every person deformed by sin, God says, “I wish you were my son” or “I wish you were my daughter.” If you are here and have not experienced this sonship then I urge you to ask Jesus to come into your heart and life and thereby come to experience the truth of I John 3:1 firsthand, where it says, “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” If you decide today to become a child of God….by your profession of faith in His Son, I invite you to make that decision public by walking forward and sharing that commitment with me. Others of us may have other decisions to make today: to commit to being more like God in our parenting. Some of you may feel led to join this church family. Any decision you wish to make public, I invite you to do so by walking forward as we stand now and sing.