Matthew 6 :12,14-15 12 – Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors.
14 – For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
15 – But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.Matthew 18:21-22 21 – Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 – Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.”
Colossians 3:13
13 – Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
When I entered Caesar Rodney Highschool back in 1968 and was faced with deciding which language to study, I chose Latin. I think I made this selection basically out of pride. To me, the thought of becoming a Latin student somehow sounded more intelligent than becoming a French student or a Spanish student. And it was a difficult language to learn but I grew to really enjoy it so much so that I took Latin all four years of High School. One of the reasons I learned to love this “dead” language was the teacher. Her name was Mrs. Mohle and she was an incredibly wise person. She had a good sense of humor was fun to talk to and was a skilled instructor….and she was so old we were convinced that she knew Julius Caesar personally.
As the years passed and our understanding of the language grew, we put aside learning vocabulary and conjugating verbs and began to focus most of our time on translating things, like Caesar’s battle journals. My favorite year of Latin was my senior year which we spent translating Virgil’s, The Aeneid. When I was a freshman I decided to widen my exposure to the subject by joining the Latin Club and one thing the Latin Club did to raise money-was the sponsoring of what they called “slave day.” On Slave Day, everyone in the club would dress as Romans-the guys would wear togas and the girls would wear togettes-everyone had laurel wreathes in their hair and sandals on their feet. And at the beginning of the day we would auction off the freshman members to serve as “slaves” for upper class men. They’d carry their books and fetch their lunch and things like that all day long.
Well I joined in the fun and had my Mom turn an old white bed sheet into a toga for me…it was nothing fancy…just a sheet with holes for my head and arms. At lunch that day I was standing in line for my food when one of the school’s “bullies” by the name of Norm French came from behind me, grabbed the “collar” of my toga and ripped it completely in half from top to bottom leaving me standing there in front of the entire school in nothing but my gym shorts. I still remember the embarrassment I felt and the intense anger that welled up in me as everyone around began to laugh. To make things worse this bully had an accomplice in his crime…Barry Morris…who was one of the youth from my church. Barry had always said he was my friend.
Well, as I blushed and tried to grab parts of the toga to cover myself they both stood there and laughed at me and, I responded by angrily calling both of them some things I shouldn’t.
We immediately began a shouting match in which I challenged Norm to a fight after school. I left the lunch room and found some sweats to wear in my gym locker and as the hours passed I thought of nothing else but the fight to come. I was determined to mop up the ground with this guy. I intended to do everything I could to make him look as embarrassed as I felt. He’d think twice before doing something like that to me or any other Latin Club member again! Well, school ended and I went to the appointed spot but my assailant was not there. I figured that Norm had wisely decided not to go up against me so I went on to track practice. About half way through practice I had to re-enter the school for some equipment and there was Norm and Barry, my supposed “friend” from church, was with him. I put up my “dukes” and the fight began.
Now I wish I could tell you that I was victorious but I wasn’t. I had no experience fighting and it was very easy for those two to humiliate me even further. This all took place on a Friday and all weekend I nursed my wounded pride by fantasizing of ways to get back at those two. When Sunday rolled around, I went to church with the rest of my family and as I sat in Sunday School that morning, in walked Barry Morris-and guess who he brought with him to church? Right! His toga-ripping buddy, Norm! Now that REALLY angered me. I mean I was the Pastor’s son. This was my “turf!” I was supposed to be safe from people like this in church. I didn’t make eye contact with either of them the whole lesson and when it ended I headed for the door as quickly as I could, but they stopped me and did something I didn’t expect. Barry and Norm both offered a very sincere apology. They confessed their mean-ness and told me they realized they embarrassed me and that things had gotten out of hand and they asked for my forgiveness.
Now, I confess, I didn’t want to give it. I would much rather have somehow gotten even. But I reluctantly accepted their apology and eventually the three of us became good friends. Barry and Norm never joined the Latin Club but they did keep their hands off of my togas from then on.
Now, of all the things I learned in the classrooms of Caesar Rodney Highschool, that experience of learning to forgive an enemy was probably the hardest. It was definitely more difficult than conjugating a Latin verb. And I would venture to say that in the “school of life” all of us have had experiences like this in which we have had to struggle to learn to practice forgiveness.
Well, this morning I would like us to take our Bibles….these “textbooks for life” that God has so lovingly supplied and use this time as sort of a “refresher course” in the principles of forgiveness.
I want us to study these texts from Matthew and Ephesians and others as well to help us renew our understanding of the what, the why and the how of forgiveness. Let’s begin our study with “the what” by accurately defining of this word.
1. WHAT exactly IS “forgiveness?”
Well, at the onset of this lesson we need to realize that understanding “forgiveness” can be very difficult for us because, in our culture genuine forgiveness is so uncommon. It is MORE common to be unforgiving than forgiving. In his book What’s So Amazing About Grace, Philip Yancey writes that Unforgiveness, “plays like a background static of life for families, nations, and institutions. [Unforgiveness] is sadly our NATURAL human state….We nurse sores, go to elaborate lengths to rationalize our behavior, perpetuate family feuds, punish ourselves, punish others-all to avoid the most UNNATURAL act of forgiving.” In our society, REAL forgiveness is as rare as hen’s teeth.
Now, people SAY they “bury the hatchet.” But, they almost always keep a “map” that carefully marks the spot where it’s buried so they can dig it up when they need it. We “nurse”our grudges as if they were our precious children! And holding on to a grudge like this…is the opposite of forgiveness because to “forgive” literally means “to release or send away…..to let off.” Forgiving is a commitment not let feelings of resentment come between us and those who have wronged us. Well, since forgiveness is NOT the norm, then perhaps the best way to truly understand WHAT it IS….is to remind ourselves of WHAT it is NOT.
And, one thing forgiveness is not…is FORGETTING. When people hurt us deeply, we can’t simply forget it and wipe it from our minds…we don’t have that ability! I still remember the toga-ripping of Norm French even though it occurred 32 years ago! No…determining to forgive someone means that every time the wrong they did to us comes to mind we forgive them again. Colossians 3:13 literally says, “Keep on forgiving one another.” So forgiveness is a continuing process. I think this is what Jesus meant when He told Peter that we are to forgive one another not seven times but seventy times seven…forgiveness is something we do over and over and over again. It is not forgetting. In fact it actually has MORE to do with remembering!
Forgiveness is also not RECONCILIATION. Reconciliation takes two people, but an injured party can forgive an offender without reconciliation. We can forgive someone even if they don’t ask or even want to be forgiven.
And then…..forgiveness is not CONDONING or DISMISSING either. It doesn’t mean saying, “What you did was bad…but it doesn’t really matter.” Because, if something doesn’t matter, then forgiveness isn’t needed in the first place. No forgiveness involves taking the offense seriously, not passing it off as inconsequential or insignificant. Forgiveness acknowledges the act as being wrong and forgives it anyway. There is a great deal of grace in the act of forgiving someone. Forgiveness is built around the root word, “give” which should tell us that it is something that is undeserved — like a gift.
Forgiveness is also not PARDON. A pardon is a legal transaction that releases an offender from the consequences of an action, such as a penalty. But, as Lewis Smedes writes, “You can forgive a person and still insist on a just punishment for the offense.”
Another thing FORGIVENESS is not…is EASY. It can be extremely difficult to forgive. Perhaps this is one side affect of our sinful state. Forgiving someone seems to go against our grain. Elizabeth O’Connor writes, “Despite a hundred sermons on forgiveness, we do not forgive easily, nor find ourselves easily forgiven. Forgiveness, we discover, is always harder than the sermons make it out to be.” The movie Dead Man Walking tells the true story of how an unsuspecting Catholic nun became the spiritual director of a death row inmate. Throughout the movie, this prisoner, who was convicted of the brutal murder of a young couple, does little to make us identify with him as a human being. He is sickening and repulsive. Yet this nun, Sister Prejean, continues to guide him, hoping somehow to touch is soul.
Finally she leads him to an act of contrition and penance and as a result, he declares to the parents of his victims, “I hope that my death gives you some peace.” For the parents of the young girl, there is no peace. They have only their hate. And…their reaction is understandable, even natural. But, the father of the young man is not as hardened. He attends the grave side services for the murderer, but stands at a distance. Sister Prejean goes to him and he tells her, “Sister, I wish I had your faith.” She replies, “It’s not faith. It’s a lot of WORK.” And forgiveness is hard. We have to WORK at it. Forgiveness does not come easily to us.
2. Well, WHY would God ask us to do something that is so unnatural…so difficult?
One reason is because God is so forgiving. When Jesus first commanded us to love our enemies-which would of course include forgiving them-He said He wanted us to do this so that we would be seen as sons of our Father in Heaven. In this way He reminded us that we are called to resemble our forgiving Heavenly Father….to bear God’s family likeness….and forgiving one another is one way we do this. As A. M. Hunter has said, “To return evil for good is the devil’s way; to return good for good is man’s; to return good for evil is God’s.” But another reason God has issued this command is the simple fact that He knows that forgiving is good for us. As our Designer and Creator He recognizes that UN-forgiveness harms us in many ways….
a. One way UN-forgiveness hurts us is PSYCHOLOGICALLY.
You see…people who refuse to forgive…people who entertain bitter thoughts and exhibit angry attitudes toward their enemies…often turn into bitter, angry, joy-LESS people. They become psychological hostages to their own hate. Lee Strobel says, “They don’t hold a grudge as much as the grudge holds them.” UN-forgiveness can change us psychologically and emotionally.
This is what Proverbs 23:7 means when it says, “As a man thinks within himself, so he is.” In other words if you want to become a resentful person….refuse to forgive…fill your mind with resentful thoughts and plans.
You see, resentment literally means “to feel again.” An UN-forgiving attitude causes us to cling to the past, to relive it over and over again, picking at each fresh “scab” so that the mental wound never heals. It is no wonder that Job 5:2 says, “To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do.” (The Living Bible) God knows that UN-forgiveness can cause us great psychological damage and that the only way to heal the emotional wounds caused by others is to forgive.
b. But, He also knows that UN-forgiveness hurts us PHYSICALLY.
UN-forgiveness has been linked to cardiovascular disease, hypertension, high blood pressure, and even cancer. An article in The New York Times said, “Researchers have gathered a wealth of data lately, suggesting that chronic anger is so damaging to the body that it ranks with…or even exceeds…cigarette smoking, obesity, and a high-fat diet as a powerful risk factor for early death.” In one study at the University of Michigan, a group of women was tested to see who was harboring long-term suppressed anger. Then all the women were tracked for 18 years-and the outcome was startling. The women with suppressed anger were three times more likely to have died during the study than those who didn’t have that kind of bitter hostility. A similar study at the University of North Carolina examined male medical school graduates over a period of 25 years. The results showed that these physicians with hidden hostilities died at a rate that was six times greater than those who had more forgiving attitudes.
So, in a very literal sense, bitterness is a dangerous “drug” in any dosage and your health is at risk if you stubbornly persist in being unforgiving. I think this is what God was warning us of in Proverbs 17:22 where it says that, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Harboring resentment can hurt us psychologically and physically and it can also….
c. ….do great harm to OUR RELATIONSHIPS.
At the height of the Cuban Missile Crisis, as tension was building toward what could have been the outbreak of WW III, Soviet Premier Nikita Krushchev sent an urgent communique to President John F. Kennedy. In part, the message said, “You and I should not pull on the ends of the rope in which you have tied a knot of war, because the harder you and I pull….the tighter the knot will become. And a time may come when this knot is tied so tight that the person who tied it is no longer capable of untying it. What that would mean I need not explain to you, because you yourself understand perfectly what dread forces our two countries possess.”
Kruschchev was exhibiting a great deal of wisdom here because in effect, when we make the decision to return evil for evil, we ARE choosing to yank on “the rope of conflict” and make the KNOT in our relationship so tight that it may never be able to be untied. But by forgiving….by simply dropping our end of the rope, we loosen the tension and preserve the possibility that the still-loose knot might somehow be untangled and our relationship restored. Hatred writes people off. Only forgiveness holds out hope that relationships can be mended and that enemies can be made into friends! In his book, Seeking the Kingdom, David Dockery writes, “There were probably some Christians who hated Saul when he was filled with malice and breathing threats and murder against the church….Who would have guessed that he would become the apostle Paul…preaching love and forgiveness? The one who treats us as our enemy today…may become our sister or brother tomorrow. Jesus says to treat them TODAY as our brother and sister.” Relationships don’t thrive because the guilty are punished but because the innocent are merciful.
d. But, you know, perhaps the greatest damage done by UN-forgiveness is damage it does to OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD…
When we fail to forgive…we sin….and when we sin we erect a barrier between ourselves and God through which His love and mercy cannot flow. We tend to think that being forgiven by God and forgiving others are two separate things but they aren’t. God’s forgiveness of our sins hinges on our forgiving others. Remember the text we read from Matthew 6? Jesus said, “…if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Last year our revival speaker, Randal O’Brien illustrated this truth by pointing to the obvious fact that a door closed from one side is closed from the other side. He was reminding us that a “door” closed from one side so forgiveness can’t get out to others is also closed from the other side so God’s forgiveness can’t get in to us. Leonardo da Vinci painted his famous fresco of “The Last Supper” in a church in Milan. At the time that he painted this work he had an enemy who was a fellow painter. Da Vinci had had a bitter argument with this man and despised him.
Well, when he got to the point of painting the face of Judas Iscariot at the table with Jesus, he decided to use the face of his enemy.
It brought him great pleasure to think that for ages to come others would equate his enemy with Judas….the betrayer of Christ.
Well as weeks passed and he worked on the faces of the other disciples, he would often try to paint the face of Jesus, but couldn’t make any progress….he had sort of a “painter’s block.” Da Vinci felt frustrated and confused. But in time he realized what was wrong. His hatred for the other painter was holding him back from finishing the face of Jesus.
Only after making peace with his fellow painter and repainting the face of Judas was he able to paint the face of Jesus and complete his masterpiece. And it is only when we forgive that we can we look God in the face so to speak and enjoy a close walk with Him. So you see, forgiving others is good for us….it has psychological, physical, relational, and even spiritual benefits.
e. But forgiving ALSO BENEFITS THE FORGIVEN PERSON as well.
Lewis Smeades writes, “When you forgive someone, you slice away the wrong from the person who [harmed you.] You disengage that person from his hurtful act. You re-create him.”
And forgiveness DOES have the power to re-create….a wonderful example of this is Peter. Remember when he cowardly denied Jesus three times the night of His arrest. But on the beach that morning after Jesus’ resurrection He forgave Peter. And as a result he was changed. transformed! He boldly preached at Pentecost and thousands came to faith in Christ. Peter died as a brave martyr for his faith in Jesus. God used Peter in a great way to further His kingdom….but this wouldn’t have happened if he had never been forgiven for his cowardice. Our forgiveness makes it possible for people to repent and change. Do you remember another thing Randall O’Brien said? “The question is not, ‘Should I forgive if he doesn’t repent?’ Its ‘Can he repent if I don’t’ forgive?'” Well, we have dealt with the “What” and the “Why” of forgiveness….but… 3? What about the “HOW?” How Can we forgive? How can we do this thing that goes against our nature?
In his book God’s Outrageous Claims, Lee Stroebel suggests that we use the word PEACE as an acronym, to help us remember five things that make PEACE with one another possible.
a. And the “P” in this acronym stands for the word “PRAY.”
In the Sermon on the mount Jesus said, “You have heard it said that you are to hate your enemies, but I say to you, love your enemies. PRAY for those who despitefully use you.”
So the first step in the process of forgiveness is to PRAY for that person who wronged you and praying for someone who has hurt you or someone you love may be one of the most difficult things of all. But this is what we must do. For, praying allows us to seek God’s assistance and tap into His power. ABRAHAM LINCOLN prayed fervently for the Southerners during the Civil War. Someone once confronted him about this, saying, “Mr. President, you should destroy your enemies, not pray for them!” Lincoln replied: “Do I not make a FRIEND of my enemy-do I not DESTROY my enemy when I pray for him?”
You see, as we pray for the person who’s wronged us, we find that the HARD FEELINGS and the HURT seems to diminish; In fact we can’t pray for a person very long and still hate them….if we pray genuinely and earnestly, we discover that we can’t help but forgive that person.
b. The first “E” in this peace acronym stands for “empathy.”
To forgive someone we need to empathize with them-in other words, we need to see our enemy from a completely different viewpoint. We must turn from seeing them from our painful perspective to seeing them as God sees them. This point of view helps us to realize that our enemies…our persecutors….have infinite value to God…They bear His image….even though it is distorted and obscured by sin. Then….when we see them as people who matter to God, they begin to matter to us. William Barclay relates a wonderful rabbinic story that emphasizes how much God values those He has created….even though they sin. In this ancient tale, the angels of heaven begin to noisily rejoice as the waters of the Red Sea. cave in on the Egyptian Army and drown them as they pursue the Israelites. Amid their celebration, God lifts His hand to stop them and says, “The work of My hands are sunk into the sea….and YOU WOULD SING?!” Those angels should have read Ezekiel 33:11 where it says that “God takes no pleasure in the demise of evil people.” So to forgive, we need to love sinners as God does even though we hate what they did to us. Martin Luther said, “To love one’s enemy does not mean to love the mire in which the pearl lies, but to love the pearl that lies in the mire.”
c. And then…the “A” in Peace stands for “ACT.”
To forgive we need to sidestep our feelings of revenge and act in forgiving ways. John Stubblefield put it this way, “We need to ACT ourselves into a new way of thinking, rather than trying to THINK ourselves into a new way of acting.” This principle of action is what Jesus was teaching in Luke 6 when He commanded us to “Do GOOD to those” who hate us and to “BLESS those who curse us.” And then….remember in Matthew 18:15-17 Jesus said that when we are hurt we are to ACT…GO to the person who hurt us. We-the innocent party-are to initiate reconciliation. Forgiveness involves ACTION! Harry Emmerson Fosdick said that when he was a boy he overheard a conversation between his dad and his mother at the breakfast table.
He heard his dad say, “Tell Harry he can mow the grass today if he feels like it.” Then as his father left he heard him say, “Tell Harry he’d better feel like it.” Forgiveness is not a matter of whether you feel like it or not. It’s a matter of acting on a command from our Heavenly Father.
So,if a business competitor beats you out for a contract, send a note offering your congratulations. If your adversaries require help moving or fixing a flat tire or need to borrow something, go to their aide. Act in a forgiving way…..even if you don’t feel like it!
d. The “C” in peace stands for “Confess.”
You see, part of forgiveness is owning up to our side of the problem. More often than not we share part of the blame for pushing the person into being our enemy. Sometimes it’s our own jealousy…our own stubbornness…our own ambition…or even our own bad attitude that has contributed to the rift that is between us and others. And few things accelerate the peace process more than humbly admitting our own wrongdoing and asking for forgiveness. That tells our enemies that we are so serious about dealing honorably with the friction between us that we are willing to go beyond pride and self-interest to confess that yes. We do own some of the responsibility for the disagreement.
e. The final “E” in peace represents the word “Example.”
This should remind us that whenever we are not sure how to love an enemy….whenever we hesitate because we’re perplexed over how to proceed….whenever we wonder if we’ve gone far enough in our effort to reconcile, we should look at the example of Jesus and model ourselves after Him. Some of you might say, “Mark, you just don’t know the terrible things that person DID to me.” And you are right, I don’t-but I do know what WE did to our Lord, and yet He forgave. I know how much we were forgiven…and remembering that ought empower us to forgive as well. We’ll never be asked to forgive someone more than God has already forgiven us.
Associate Press reporter TERRY ANDERSON was held hostage in Lebanon for nearly seven years. He was chained to a wall in a filthy, spider-infested cell. He suffered through sickness. He endured mental torture. He longed for his family. Through it all, he was given one book to read-the Bible-and as he devoured it in a search of words of hope, he came across Jesus’ words from the Sermon on the Mount: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy’ but I tell you love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
Can you imagine how outlandish that command must have seemed to Anderson…..after spending 2,455 mind-numbing days in cruel captivity? Love whom? Pray for whom? Show kindness toward those who brutalized me? Exhibit compassion toward those who callously extended none to me? Finally Anderson was released on December 4, 1991 and journalists peppered him with questions. They wanted to know what his ordeal had been like…what his plans were for the future. But one reporter called out a question that stopped Anderson in his tracks. He asked: “Can you forgive your captors?” Anderson paused and before the words of his response could come out of his mouth, the Lord’s Prayer coursed through his mind: “Forgive us our sins, as we also forgive those who sin against us.” Then this victim of undeserved suffering replied, “Yes I can forgive them because, as a Christian, I am required to forgive no matter how hard it may be.” Sometimes the only way we can forgive is to stop and remember our own experience and need of God’s forgiveness.
At the end of any course….even refresher courses like today’s….there is always the dreaded final exam, the test to see if we have understood the knowledge imparted by the teacher. And when it comes to understanding God’s forgiveness, the test is our forgiving others, our following His example. This morning God may be testing you by reminding you of someone you need to forgive. It could be a spouse or friend or boss or fellow employee. It could even be a church. I hope you pass this “test” with flying colors because there are so many benefits to doing so. For others this morning, the test may not be to forgive but instead to be forgiven. If you are here and are not a Christian then your “test” today involves whether or not you will accept the forgiveness for your sin that only Jesus offers. I hope you will say yes to this question and if you do will walk forward as we sing to share this decision with me. In this time of examining ourselves if you have other decisions to make…such as joining this church or rededicating your life to God is some way,
I encourage you to leave your seat and walk forward and share it with me as we stand now to sing.